Let’s be real… The talking phase is basically a situationship audition no one applied for.
There are no labels or clarity (yet).
Just vibes… tangled with mild emotional damage.
You went on one date over a matcha or bubble tea, the chemistry was out of this world and now you’re hooked.
You’re texting them 24/7, waiting around your phone for their replies, stalking their Instagram following, overthinking every “hmm,” and somewhere between “good morning :)” and “seen at 2:17 AM,” things start feeling… off.
This is your sign to stop romanticising confusion and clock those red flags early!
1. Love Bombing aka Too Much, Too Fast, Too Fake
At first, it feels like a dreamy rom-com.
They’re calling you perfect on day 2.
Planning trips on day 5.
Saying “I’ve never felt like this before” by week 1.
Real connection takes time to build and doesn’t speedrun.
Love bombing is basically emotional inflation.
They flood you with a lot of attention so you get attached fast… and then suddenly, they vanish or switch up.
Red flag check:
- Feels intense before it feels real
- Big words, zero consistency
- Future plans with someone they barely know (you)
If it feels like a montage of the life you’re going to spend with them without having done said things already, it’s probably a warning.
2. Breadcrumbing aka The Bare Minimum Olympics
This one is actually criminal and deserves jail time!
They don’t disappear from your life completely… they give you just enough.
A random “hey stranger”
A late-night “you up?”
Reacting to your story after ignoring your texts for 2 days
It’s giving emotional EMI. Small installments, no commitment.
Breadcrumbing keeps you hooked without ever choosing you.
Red flag check:
- Inconsistent replies
- Making last minute plans (you are their backup)
- Always “busy” but never gone
- Keeps the convo alive but never moves it forward
You’re not a backup option. Exit the group chat.
3. Negging aka Insults Disguised as Flirting
“Oh you’re cute… for someone who doesn’t try.”
Excuse me?
Negging is when someone subtly puts you down and calls it a joke.
Their goal is to lower your confidence so you seek their validation.
It’s not banter. It’s manipulation in a hoodie.
Red flag check:
- Backhanded compliments
- Jokes that don’t feel funny
- You start second-guessing yourself around them
If you have to laugh it off to keep things smooth, it’s already not smooth.
4. The “What Are We?” Dodger
This is the leading cause for situationships worldwide. They lean into ambiguity like it’s philosophy.
You ask, “What are we and where is this going?”
They say, “Why complicate things?”
“We don’t need to label it.”
“Let’s not rush things.”
“I like what we have.”
Translation: They like access to you, but not the responsibility.
They get closeness from you without commitment.
Consistency when it suits them, distance when it doesn’t.
The comfort of you being there, without the responsibility of showing up fully.
You start editing your questions.
Softening your tone.
Talking to them in a way that won’t make them pull away.
Red flag check:
- Avoids labels like it’s a tax notice
- Changes the topic when things get real
- Keeps things undefined but emotionally intense
If they can’t define it, don’t let it define you. When someone keeps things undefined for too long, it usually means they’ve already defined it for themselves.
5. Hot & Cold Behaviour aka Emotional Whiplash
There’s a version of them that makes everything feel easy and they’re present in a way that doesn’t need effort to decode. Their replies feel intentional, not rushed. Conversations have substance, it’s not just surface level talk.
But suddenly, without anything clearly breaking, something shifts.
Not enough to call out and not enough to confront.
It’s just enough to notice.
The same person who was leaning in has now slightly pulled back. Their replies come, but they feel off. Their warmth is replaced with neutral responses, almost mechanical.
You try to trace back to what might have caused this.
Was it something you said?
A tone you misread?
A moment you missed?
Did he find someone else?
Nothing obvious shows up, which makes it worse.
So you start adjusting in quiet ways. You match their distance and hold back a little.
You reread your last message before sending the next one, just to make sure it won’t tip anything further.
And then, just when you’ve settled into that distance, they return with the same energy as before. That same attention and same familiarity that you missed.
It feels relieving. Not exciting or surprising. Just relieving.
And without realising it, you begin to orbit their shifts.
Your mood aligns with their availability.
Your sense of security depends on how present they are that day.
Your clarity about the situation becomes something you revisit daily, not something you hold.
It doesn’t feel dramatic enough to walk away from, but it also doesn’t feel settled enough to trust.
So it continues… it’s not stable, but it’s something you’re constantly adjusting to.
There’s a difference between someone having an off day and someone creating a pattern.
The first explains itself. The second repeats itself.
And, repetition is where the signal is.
Red flag check:
- The way they show up varies enough to change how you feel about the situation
- You feel a sense of relief when things go back to “normal” instead of it being the default
- You hesitate to address it because you don’t want to disrupt the moments when it feels good
- You spend more time interpreting their behaviour than actually experiencing it
Something steady doesn’t require this much adjustment. It doesn’t ask you to recalibrate yourself every few days.
When it’s right, your mind isn’t this occupied. It’s quieter than that.
So… What Do You Do?
First, stop ignoring your gut.
This isn’t you overthinking, you’re subconsciously recognizing patterns.
Second, don’t try to “fix” potential.
You’re not a rehab center for emotionally unavailable people.
Third, choose clarity over chemistry.
Because chemistry without consistency is just chaos.
Final Reality Check
If you’re constantly asking:
“Do they like me?”
“They said this but did that?”
“Am I overthinking?”
You’re probably not.
The right person won’t have you decoding basic respect.
The talking phase is not supposed to feel like a psychological thriller.
If it does… you already know how it’s supposed to end.
Thank you, next!